Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
