This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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