He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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