ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize