After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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