Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
