like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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