I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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