I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
