So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
