There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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