It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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