Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
