they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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