Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
