So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
