Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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