Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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