OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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