Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
