soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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