Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize