Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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