Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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