My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
