guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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