I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
