i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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