I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
