My first STD was from a foam party
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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