Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
