glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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