I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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