so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
