i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize