You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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