He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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