My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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