dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
