I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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