I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
