I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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