You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
this hospital has no fireball
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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