don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
