so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I die, sorry about rent.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
