Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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