When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had to cum in my sink.
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