just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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