I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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