Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dick very happy bro
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
