There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
