perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
