the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
