If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My dick has a subreddit
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