Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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