I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
