Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
