Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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