I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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