I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize