i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
