Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
