another moral hangover. fuck.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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