Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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