i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
