i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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