strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
