I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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