he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
