also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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