So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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