I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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