So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
