he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
