Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
