Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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