Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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