hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
