I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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