stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
